happy new year!

I know, I know. My first post for 2010 is such an awful piece. So, for my comeback, this is for you!

Yes, I am back to my happy self!

a surge of pregnancy hormones

Warning: Technically, I am a happy and optimistic person. I don't really know what prompted me to write this post, guess I just needed to spill the frustrations. If you're having a bad day, stop right here. If you're still interested, read on. But remember, you've been warned.

As most of you know, I am pregnant and on my 16th week tomorrow. And currently, I am on a bedrest. (But not right now, I am sitting in front of my desktop, writing this post. Hubby's at work and he would be scolding me upon learning that I've spent an hour or so out of the bed. I told you, I needed to get this out of my system.)

My scheduled prenatal check-up is December 21, which I cancelled because of the many files that sit at my workstation and need my immediate attention. When I woke up with a heavy feeling on the morning of December 23, I decided to take a leave and push through with my check-up. Unfortunately, my OB is already on her Christmas vacation and will be back on December 28. The holidays and weekend passed and December 28 came. Still, my OB is on vacation. Her assistant told me that she'll be back on January 4. That time, I needed to see an OB so that I can consult about the occasional pain that visits me irregularly before regular work resume on January 4 . Irvin and I contemplated on whom to consult. We went to an OB who refused to take me simply because I am from another OB. After so much considerations, we settled to consult with my former OB (we liked her, but not the hospital where she is a resident).

Believe me, that day is so stressful that I cried over it while sipping on Jollibee's Chocolate Frost Blend.

Sunday, January 3. We went for my check-up. My OB asked me to lie down while she feel my abdomen. She put out the gel, spread some on my abdomen and glided a gadget (I think that's the Doppler) over it. She stopped at a point in my right abdomen, and then, there it is. The loud, clear and magical sound of my baby's heartbeat. I was overwhelmed because I never heard it in my first pregnancy. But the oh-so-heavenly feeling was quickly snatched from me. She said that the cramp she felt in my abdomen might be a sign of early contractions. I asked what that means. She said that the uterus is already pushing the baby out, as if in a labor.

Sadly, my second pregnancy is "at risk" again.

For accountants like me, no period is ever busier than the year-end close which, in my case, will take place this coming week. I sent text messages to my colleague and team leader, and to my friends, to inform them of my situation.

For several days, PSP and books have been my constant companion. But the work-addict side of me always remind me of the work and colleagues I left in a demanding and difficult time. I feel guilty. Add to it a remark, sarcastic or not, that I just made a "proper timing" in taking a rest. Not reacting is just as hurtful as reacting negatively.

If they only knew how much I wanted to help.

I cried last night, while my husband is asleep. I said sorry to my baby, for feeling disheartened.

To those who raised their eyebrows upon learning that I took a leave during a hectic period, I wish that my situation won't happen to you. I wish that your carefully planned pregnancies won't end up in miscarriage or in another "at risk" pregnancy. Because it is much harder to juggle between your bread-and-butter and the family you would love to build than to perform year-end closing of a company's financial books.

To those who expressed their sympathy and are silently praying for me, thanks a lot for your support. May God's blessings pour out to you and to your family.

To my family (including Irvin's), whose neverending love touches me, even if you're halfway around the world, with so much gratitude.

To God who is my strength, even in those times I have taken you for granted.

To my readers, sorry for a not-so-happy post for a supposedly-happy-new-year. I hate it that my first post for 2010 is this. I hope you understand, writing is one of my life's channels.

photo journal: sunset

the weekend that was nov 21-22: overdue

Saturday. Had my first ultrasound. Yehey! Pinakita sa akin ni OB 'yung katawan ng baby at 'yung heartbeat nya. Happiness! Super happy din si Irvin :D

Sunday. We watched The Twilight Saga: New Moon at MOA with Agnes. Ang ganda, super! It's way better than Twilight! Still deciding whether I'm on Team Edward or Team Jacob. Pero si Irvin, Team Jacob!

the weekend that was nov 14-15: overdue

Naka-SL ako nu'ng last two days kaya long weekend for me, buti na lang okey na ako by Saturday dahil celebration ng birthday ni Irvin at anniv namin with his family. This time, iba naman, sa Tagaytay kami. Hahahaha! :P Gabi na kami nakapunta (as usual). We had dinner at Max's then coffee at crepe sa Cafe Breton. Yum yum!

Sunday. 8 weeks. It's Yuan Jacob's christening! Okey naman. It's Manny Pacquiao's day, too! Ang galing, proud na proud na naman ang mga Pinoy. Bonding lang with Kishie later that day, we watched MJ videos, Shaun the Sheep at Good Morning Mickey episodes.

Gusto kong mag-beach. Waaah!

the weekend that was nov 7-8: overdue

Toxic ang work nu'ng Friday, madaling araw na akong nakauwi. Na-miss ko ang videoke session with AmAsE. Haaay, so sad. Nakahiga lang ako buong morning, nagsasaulo ng mga song lyrics :) Later nu'ng afternoon, nagpunta kami nila Nanay at Irvin sa pinsan ko para maki-celebrate sa pagpasa sa Teacher's Board Exam.

Sunday. 7 weeks. Nagpunta kami nu'ng morning sa Cavite City para magdala ng food. First time ko din nakita ang soon-to-be inaanak ko na si Chloe. Tabachingching!

Bonding lang with Nanay at Tatay sa bahay :)

11 weeks

Yes, I am back! I've been busy with a lot of workload, which sometimes required me to spend extra hours at the office. I know it's not healthy, my bad. Every day, I wake up and wish it's Saturday so I could stay in bed for a few more minutes or hours. But then the alarm would sound again, and reality sets in. I just pray that God would give me a sign should I need to take a break. And I talk to my baby, too, that she let me know should she feel something terrible.

I've had my first ultrasound two weeks ago, the OB showed me the heartbeat and informed me that the baby's size is just as it should be. I was ecstatic. I'm not sure if I am overreacting. I think, from someone coming from a recent miscarriage, that is a normal reaction.

Procrastination has got its way to me. In my early weeks, I felt sleepy almost every two hours and I'm happy that I've gone past that stage now. And I realize how many blogs are yet to be posted, books to be read, DVDs to be watched.

Pregnancy symptoms? Well, luckily, no morning sickness for me. Fatigue, constipation and heartburn. All products of hormonal changes inside me. And I welcome them.