April 23, 2011
Dear Rian,
As I watch you sleep, reality sets in. You have grown so big that my arms get stiff when carrying you for a few minutes. You used to be the size of a sesame seed inside my belly. You were 3.5 kilograms when you entered the world, but now you are nearing 9. The smallest shirts used to hang in your tiny body, but now you are already size 4. Time flies really fast.
Before, I could leave you for a few minutes knowing you’ll be safe being sandwiched by two small bolsters. Now I could not leave you for a split second because before I know it, you have already gone from the center to the edge of the bed.
You have grown, and so is your world.
Tatay and I used to be your world. But now you have Lolo Ely and Lola Norma, Lolo Rey and Lola Tess, Tita Ninang and Tito Ninongs, Ate Kishie, and a whole lot more people on the street, in the neighbourhood. They are all trying to get your attention and your sweet smile.
Lolo Ely always says you are luckiest kid because you are loved by so many people. As I see it, it’s so true.
But sometimes I feel hurt when you would rather be picked up by someone else other than me. Sometimes I feel hurt when other people can make you laugh when I can’t. Sometimes I cry when I can’t offer you the comfort you need.
And then reality bites. Your world has expanded and you need to be loved by others, too.
I feel guilty because for a moment, I have been selfish.
Like Tatay discovering his newfound interest with his bike, travelling to places where I can’t go and bonding with new friends, you will be like him one day. You will discover the big world you’re in. You will learn about games and nursery rhymes. You will look for playmates and peers.
I can’t give you all the happiness you need. At times, you will be on your own. And I have to let you go.
Just like a mother eagle teaching baby eagle to fly, I need to prepare your wings so that you could soar up in the sky. By then, you will see me smiling, perhaps with a few tears of joy.
I know it’s way too early to be thinking about this now. You have just started standing on your own. You have just started babbling and saying things only you can understand. But as I said, time flies really fast. You’ll be all grown up one day, ready to be circumcised and ashamed to be kissed by me in front of your friends. I am taking this chance to tell you things as serious as this.
I love you, my forever baby. When things get tough for me, I always think about your rare smile and everything seem to be falling into place again.
Love,
Nanay
P.S. Here's a picture of us taken during Tita Ninang's birthday celebration. You are about 9 months and you are absolutely charming.
Dear Rian,
As I watch you sleep, reality sets in. You have grown so big that my arms get stiff when carrying you for a few minutes. You used to be the size of a sesame seed inside my belly. You were 3.5 kilograms when you entered the world, but now you are nearing 9. The smallest shirts used to hang in your tiny body, but now you are already size 4. Time flies really fast.
Before, I could leave you for a few minutes knowing you’ll be safe being sandwiched by two small bolsters. Now I could not leave you for a split second because before I know it, you have already gone from the center to the edge of the bed.
You have grown, and so is your world.
Tatay and I used to be your world. But now you have Lolo Ely and Lola Norma, Lolo Rey and Lola Tess, Tita Ninang and Tito Ninongs, Ate Kishie, and a whole lot more people on the street, in the neighbourhood. They are all trying to get your attention and your sweet smile.
Lolo Ely always says you are luckiest kid because you are loved by so many people. As I see it, it’s so true.
But sometimes I feel hurt when you would rather be picked up by someone else other than me. Sometimes I feel hurt when other people can make you laugh when I can’t. Sometimes I cry when I can’t offer you the comfort you need.
And then reality bites. Your world has expanded and you need to be loved by others, too.
I feel guilty because for a moment, I have been selfish.
Like Tatay discovering his newfound interest with his bike, travelling to places where I can’t go and bonding with new friends, you will be like him one day. You will discover the big world you’re in. You will learn about games and nursery rhymes. You will look for playmates and peers.
I can’t give you all the happiness you need. At times, you will be on your own. And I have to let you go.
Just like a mother eagle teaching baby eagle to fly, I need to prepare your wings so that you could soar up in the sky. By then, you will see me smiling, perhaps with a few tears of joy.
I know it’s way too early to be thinking about this now. You have just started standing on your own. You have just started babbling and saying things only you can understand. But as I said, time flies really fast. You’ll be all grown up one day, ready to be circumcised and ashamed to be kissed by me in front of your friends. I am taking this chance to tell you things as serious as this.
I love you, my forever baby. When things get tough for me, I always think about your rare smile and everything seem to be falling into place again.
Love,
Nanay
P.S. Here's a picture of us taken during Tita Ninang's birthday celebration. You are about 9 months and you are absolutely charming.
My husband is an avid John Lennon fan. One reason why we chose a "John" version for our son's name (Eian is the Irish form of John). 
