salamat tatay at nanay!

Nasa Tagaytay kami nang matanggap nyo ang mahiwagang envelope. Luha ni Tatay ang sumalubong sa akin pag-uwi ko. Hindi ko alam kung good o bad news ba ang pagkaka-approve sa visa nyo. Ang alam ko lang noon, excited ako para sa inyo at sa mga ipapadala kay Ate. May takot at lungkot pero hindi ko muna inintindi.


Ngayon, magdadalawang buwan na ang nakalipas mula ng lumipad kayo papuntang Canada, naaalala ko pa ang pag-aasikaso ko ng passport, visa, plane ticket at bagahe nyo. DFA, Canadian Embassy, SM, Divisoria. Naaalala ko pa ang mga baon nyo. Naalala ko pa ang sulat na ginawa ko para masamahan kayo hanggang sa pag-check-in sa airport. Naaalala ko pa ang mga habilin nyo.


At naaalala ko pa ang sinabi ni Nanay bago umalis sa bahay, "Hindi ko alam kung tama ang gagawin namin..." sabay tulo ng luha.


Masyado pang maaga, pero para sa akin, kung para sa ikabubuti ng anak, walang gagawing mali ang magulang.


Apat na taon na ang nakalipas mula ng umalis sila Ate. Tatlo na ang anak nya noon, pero nasa tiyan pa niya ang isa. Tatlong taon ang panganay nya at anim na buwan ang sumunod. Ngayon, muli kayong nagkita-kita. Nai-imagine ko, puno na ang iyakan at tawanan sa airport nang salubungin nyo sila.


Ako, ilang gabing umiiyak bago at pagkatapos nyong umalis. Maraming pagkakataon na iniisip ko na sana boses ulit ni Tatay ang nagpapatulog kay Rian o kamay ni Nanay ang nagpapaligo kay Rian, na sana si Tatay ang naglilinis ng bahay o si Nanay ang nagluluto, na sana pwede pa akong matulog ng mas matagal o mag-ubos ng oras sa pag-i-internet.



Pero siyempre, tuloy ang buhay, move on lang ng move on. Hanggang sa...


Ngayon, Tatay at Nanay, nagpapasalamat ako dahil iniwan nyo ako.


Dahil kung hindi nyo ako iniwan, hindi magiging exciting ang bawat Sabado morning ko. Dahil kaming dalawa lang ni Rian ang magkasama, kailangan kong maghanda ng almusal ni Irvin, makisayaw kay Rian sa Hi-5, patulugin si Rian para sa kanyang morning nap, makisayaw kay Rian sa Showtime at maghanda ng disenteng tanghalian.


Dahil kung hindi nyo ako iniwan, hindi ako matututong mag-research ng recipes, mag-grocery, ma-pressure habang nasa harap ng kalan, magluto ng chicken fillet in garlic cream sauce, pork bistek, beef mechado at beef with mushroom. At higit sa lahat, hindi masasabi sa akin ni Irvin na, "Masarap ka palang magluto!"


Dahil kung hindi nyo ako iniwan, hindi ko matututuhang maging independent kahit dalawang araw lang sa loob ng isang linggo.


Dahil kung hindi nyo ako iniwan, kahati ko kayo sa oras ni Rian. Ngayon solong-solo ko siya, hehehe!


Alam ko na ang dahilan ng pag-alis nyo ay para sa ikabubuti ni Ate, pero hindi sinasadya, para sa ikabubuti ko din pala.

Dahil higit sa pagiging anak, magulang din ako...na ngayon ay ramdam na ramdam ko.

photo journal: gold

part 3: what happened to me?

Gosh, it has been ages since my last post. In fact, my baby has not crossed the 1-year old mark when I wrote a post on Father's Day. Now, he's 4 months over that mark! (And still very charming :)!)

7. We celebrated Ate Sette's birthday at Nuvali, Sta. Rosa, Laguna last March 26. Late lunch at Conti's, fish feeding, and boating. Passed by Paseo de Sta. Rosa and made a stop at Giligan's Summit Ridge in Tagaytay for dinner.

all boys

waiting to be seated

rian's menu

busog!

day-off :)

boating!

plakda na ang hyper.

8. We celebrated Nanay's April 1 birthday last April 3 at Tagaytay :)


they also celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary last April 14!

9. Meet-up with my Chevron friends last May 30. Thai food + dessert! Indeed, food is one of our friendship's foundation.



at jatujak

happy father's day!

Totoo pala na kapag naging magulang ka, mas pahahalagahan mo ang mga magulang mo.

Sa pinakadakilang ama na nagsunog ng kilay at nagsikap maibigay sa mga anak ang mga bagay na hindi siya nagkaroon.

Sa pinakadakilang lolo na sa halip na magpahinga ay nag-aalaga ng apo para makatulong sa anak.

Maligayang Araw ng mga Ama, Tatay. Sana po alam nyo kung gaano ko pinahahalagahan ang lahat ng sakripisyo nyo para sa amin.

part 2: what happened to me?

4. January 22. It’s my mother-in-law’s birthday celebration! The Estacions had late lunch at Trinity Restaurant at Seaside (at the back of SM Mall of Asia). I was not feeling well, so no more side trips.

mi cutie bebe

happy birthday lola!

5. As mentioned in # 4, I was not feeling well that day. I was shivering and my temperature started to rise. That night, I had a high-grade fever rising up to 40.2 degrees Celsius. I had to be isolated. My fever went on and off for days.


I was already two days absent so when I thought I’m already okay, I decided to go to work. I consulted our company doctor and she noticed the rashes in my arms. I was advised to go home and to take a blood test.


When Irvin went home from work, he immediately decided to take me to the hospital after seeing the rashes. So we went to the emergency room, took some tests and waited for the results. My platelet count was low but it was still within the normal range. My white blood cell count was surprisingly low. I had to be admitted to be sure about what my condition is.


Blood samples were taken regularly and a blot test confirmed it. I was victimized by dengue.


Luckily, my platelet count did not drop much. Slowly, it rose every time blood samples were taken.


After 3 days at the hospital, of not going to work and of missing Rian, I was discharged. Yey!


6. February 17. Rian had a slight fever in the afternoon. He was still high spirited when we picked him up that night.


At around 11 PM, Irvin and I were about to sleep when Irvin noticed that Rian was shaky. He was shivering but there were no other signs of fever. We noticed that he was pale too. Irvin rushed to Ate Sette’s room to ask what could be the cause. When we took his temperature, he was 38.5 degrees Celsius. But after a few minutes, I took his temperature and it was over 40 degrees Celsius. He threw up and we were already in a panicky mode. I immediately packed some of Rian’s things, got my wallet and cellphone. We were off to the hospital.


It was around midnight when we arrived at the emergency room. The fever already subsided. But we still needed to get urine and blood sample. The nurses checked on Rian’s diaper to see if urine sample has already been collected (through a small plastic with a rubber ring, something like that). We already decided to bring Rian home and just bring the urine sample once it was collected but fortunately, he urinated while we were in the hospital. The urine test showed a high level of infection in his urine. He had to be admitted.


I was not agreeable to Rian being admitted. He’s being overly active will not permit the IV to stay on its proper place under his skin. So I called up my friend, Rian’s godmother, Dra. Avilla, I mean Ivy, to discuss the situation with her. She explained to me that UTI is common to infants, boys and girls, and that admission is necessary because oral antibiotics won’t work as effectively as those to be given via IV. Okay then, Rian was admitted.


The decision is tough but what came next is way much tougher. Since Rian will be admitted, the IV has to be inserted. First the ER nurse, then another ER nurse, then the head nurse-on-duty, then the ER doctor, then another nurse. All of them tried to insert the IV either on Rian’s left hand or right hand or left foot or right foot. None of them had successfully done it.


Two hours of trying to insert the IV and Rian’s non-stop crying, our hearts were already breaking. I had to assist the nurse everytime the IV is inserted, my tears falling while telling Rian it’s not painful and that it will be over soon. We begged the nurses to put off putting the IV until the morning. They called up the doctor and they agreed.


Rian was exhausted, and so were we.


Rian’s pediatrician was not available. The reliever doctor came and explained the situation to us. He inserted the IV, with no hassle. Great! We learned that finding blood vessels is difficult if a person has just vomited.

Rian stayed in the hospital until Monday. We missed Kishie’s 5th birthday party, but the best thing was that he recovered. Thank God!

photo journal: starbucks moment

happy mother's day!

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. - Marion C. Garretty (A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Soul

Lately, my posts have been all about me being a mother. But behind my mother role is an equally important character...a daughter.

Nanay, thank you for the life and the sacrifices you have to make to help me be who I am today. I am so proud to be your daughter.



part 1: what happened to me?

It has been a while since my last decent post. I must say I missed blogging too. There has been a lot going on in my life now, and about 90% of my time is attributed to work and motherhood. I wanted to share so much of my experiences, happy and sad, but I just don't have the time.

No, I'm not ranting. Work gives me financial stability. And motherhood, it gives me the strength to fight life's daily battles. You know, at times, I wanted to quit my job and pursue my other dreams but I guess it's maternal instinct that says "Stop. Stay." I am not willing to sacrifice instability, at least not yet.

So, what really happened to me in the past few months of not blogging?

1. My good friend Agnes got married last December! Although our friend Sarah was not able to return to Philippines and attend her wedding, it was still good to have Mhay and Leng with us. I was not part of the entourage, but I was the commentator during the nuptial mass.

me and irvin

another one said "i do!"

Congratulations, Agnes and Tristan!

2. My first Christmas with my new work.

finance christmas party

finance exchange gift

ad christmas party

3. Meet-up with balikbayan friends. Mhay and Leng went home in time for Agnes' wedding and the Christmas season :)

dinner @ malens

mhay's signature wacky pose

AMA_E

rian meets titas!

a letter to rian

April 23, 2011

Dear Rian,

As I watch you sleep, reality sets in. You have grown so big that my arms get stiff when carrying you for a few minutes. You used to be the size of a sesame seed inside my belly. You were 3.5 kilograms when you entered the world, but now you are nearing 9. The smallest shirts used to hang in your tiny body, but now you are already size 4. Time flies really fast.


Before, I could leave you for a few minutes knowing you’ll be safe being sandwiched by two small bolsters. Now I could not leave you for a split second because before I know it, you have already gone from the center to the edge of the bed.


You have grown, and so is your world.


Tatay and I used to be your world. But now you have Lolo Ely and Lola Norma, Lolo Rey and Lola Tess, Tita Ninang and Tito Ninongs, Ate Kishie, and a whole lot more people on the street, in the neighbourhood. They are all trying to get your attention and your sweet smile.


Lolo Ely always says you are luckiest kid because you are loved by so many people. As I see it, it’s so true.


But sometimes I feel hurt when you would rather be picked up by someone else other than me. Sometimes I feel hurt when other people can make you laugh when I can’t. Sometimes I cry when I can’t offer you the comfort you need.


And then reality bites. Your world has expanded and you need to be loved by others, too.


I feel guilty because for a moment, I have been selfish.


Like Tatay discovering his newfound interest with his bike, travelling to places where I can’t go and bonding with new friends, you will be like him one day. You will discover the big world you’re in. You will learn about games and nursery rhymes. You will look for playmates and peers.

I can’t give you all the happiness you need. At times, you will be on your own. And I have to let you go.


Just like a mother eagle teaching baby eagle to fly, I need to prepare your wings so that you could soar up in the sky. By then, you will see me smiling, perhaps with a few tears of joy.


I know it’s way too early to be thinking about this now. You have just started standing on your own. You have just started babbling and saying things only you can understand. But as I said, time flies really fast. You’ll be all grown up one day, ready to be circumcised and ashamed to be kissed by me in front of your friends. I am taking this chance to tell you things as serious as this.


I love you, my forever baby. When things get tough for me, I always think about your rare smile and everything seem to be falling into place again.


Love,
Nanay

P.S. Here's a picture of us taken during Tita Ninang's birthday celebration. You are about 9 months and you are absolutely charming.

father and son

This is my favorite father-and-son picture of Irvin and Rian. So cute! Are they talking about me? :)

new year, new profile

Surprise, surprise! I'm alive! (I think I'll explain my absence when I have more time to write a more decent entry.)

Noticed? I've trashed my old profile and created a short one. Well, it's not that the former is no longer applicable, everything detail still applies! I just felt I needed to simplify it.

So I'm saying goodbye to my 3-year old narrative...

"i am a part of generation y, having the same birthday as nora aunor and julie vega. my parents waited for 11 years to see their 1st born, my ate eli, who is currently residing in canada with her family. 77 months after, i was born. i had been a "straight" student when i was schooling. i met the "man in my future" during my college days. my shoe size is 7 and my vital statistics are never mind. i love being in the water even if i do not know how to swim. i enjoy videoke. i like dark chocolate and truffles. i believe i am not kikay, vain nor OC. my soulmate is my mother. even if i have been working in makati for 4 years, i still am very probinsiyana. i like weekends. i cry and laugh a lot. i think, my husband is the most adorable person in the world. i always try to look at the brighter side of life. i think, my friends consider me a clown more than a friend. above all, i am an affectionate daughter, a concerned sister and tita, a loyal friend and a thoughtful wife. at the left of my monitor is a simple reminder: life is beautiful. dance like no one is watching. love like you will never get hurt. sing like no one is listening. live like it’s heaven on earth. enjoy this day."

goodbye 2010

It's been a while since my last post. And you know what, sometimes I wonder if I would ever get back to writing again.

Obviously, writing (or in this case, blogging) has to take a backseat when I gave birth six months ago.

I planned to have a year-end goodbye note but motherhood and employment barred me from writing a decent entry. And so here I am now, blogging at 2 AM of January 1 while patting Rian in between paragraphs.

2010 is a wonderful year for me because halfway through the year, God sent me an angel named Rian. But His sending has a twist, because instead of this angel watching over me, it becomes the other way around :)

One of the biggest realizations I made this year is that giving birth does not make one a mother. Motherhood springs from the sacrifices, big or small, that one undertakes to prepare her child for physical, psychological and spiritual growth.

But while 2010 had been wonderful to me, I will not deny that this is also one of the roughest years I had. I bedrested in January because of early contractions. My father suffered from mild stroke in April. Rian was hospitalized for a week when he was only one-week old. I resigned from my work in Makati and transferred to Cavite in September. With these are the pressures of my new work and the demands of motherhood.

I was physically exhausted, emotionally stressed and financially challenged.

And that is why I am so looking forward to 2011. New year, new hope. Better attitude, better life.

2010, a year that was. Happy moments I will always cherish - out-of-towns, meeting up with old friends and making new ones, "everyday is a family day" policy. Sad moments I will always remember. And you might probably wonder why. Well, sad moments help me reminisce the lessons of the past and make me grateful for what I have right now.

So there, I am officially bidding 2010 goodbye, with a wide smile on my face.